Dutch Customs & Birthday Traditions for Expats

This guide explains the main Dutch birthday and celebration customs. These are social conventions, not rules, and they differ between families, regions and workplaces.

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Traktatie: Bringing Your Own Cake to Work

Let us start with the one that shocks every new expat: on your birthday, you bring cake to the office. Not your colleagues bringing cake for you — you for them.

This is called traktatie (from trakteren — to treat someone). The principle is that your birthday is a moment of joy you share with others by treating them. The giver is the birthday person.

What to Bring

Taart (cake): A whole cake, pre-sliced in the box, is the classic choice. Apple cake (appeltaart), cream cake (slagroomtaart), or a bought supermarket birthday cake are all standard. Supermarkets and bakeries sell ready-made cakes that work well for a traktatie.

Gebak (pastries): Individual tompouce (a rectangle of puff pastry with pink icing) or other individual pastries are very Dutch and a popular alternative to cake.

Stroopwafels, mini-croissants, or other treats: Perfectly acceptable modern alternatives if you prefer something different.

Timing: Morning coffee break is the classic moment. You announce “Ik trakteer!” (I’m treating!) and set out the goods in the kitchen or meeting room. Your colleagues come to you. Some people email the team in advance.

For Children

The traktatie tradition starts very young. Dutch children bring treats to their school class on their birthday — typically little bags of sweets or small items. Expat parents: your child may be expected to bring a traktatie to class, not just receive one. Check with the teacher about dietary restrictions or school rules.

At the Office: A Note on Dutch Modesty

The traktatie works well with the Dutch modesty code. For a full understanding of Dutch cultural values around humility and directness, see our Dutch culture and humor guide. In many workplaces people do not make a big fuss about their own birthday. You provide treats, colleagues come by, say “Gefeliciteerd!” (congratulations), take a slice of cake, and work continues.

The Verjaardagskring: Birthday Circle

The verjaardagskring (literally: birthday circle) is the distinctive Dutch party format. Chairs, typically from every room in the house, are arranged in one or more circles or rings in the main living space. Guests sit in the circle for the duration of the party.

Why the Circle?

In a circle everyone can see and talk to everyone else, which keeps the conversation shared across the group instead of splitting into small standing groups.

The birthday person usually circulates, refilling drinks and serving cake, and guests often change seats during the party.

Arrival Protocol in the Circle

When you arrive at a Dutch birthday party, you do the following:

1. Ring the doorbell. The host opens the door.
2. Say “Gefeliciteerd!” to the birthday person.
3. Be guided to the circle.
4. Work your way around the circle, shaking hands or kissing cheeks (once or three times depending on the relationship and the family), saying “Gefeliciteerd” to everyone.
5. Sit down and accept a drink.

This includes congratulating the birthday person’s family members — parents, siblings, partner. If Marieke’s mother is sitting in the circle, you greet her with “Gefeliciteerd met Marieke.” She will say “Dankjewel.” This is a normal part of Dutch birthday courtesy.

The Cake Moment

At some point, the birthday person (or a family member) carries the birthday cake to the circle. This is a ceremonial moment. The song begins.

Lang Zal Ze/Hij Leven: The Birthday Song

The Dutch birthday song is Lang zal ze leven (for a woman) or Lang zal hij leven (for a man). It is sung by the assembled group — enthusiastically, often loudly, sometimes with clapping. The lyrics below are the common version; wording varies slightly by family.

The full version:

Lang zal ze leven, lang zal ze leven, Lang zal ze leven in de gloria! In de gloria, in de gloria, Hiep hiep hiep hoera! Hiep hiep hoera!

The “Hiep hiep hoera!” part is shouted rather than sung, and the birthday person is sometimes lifted in their chair.

The song is cheerful and collective. Even if you do not know the Dutch words, you can join the “Hiep hiep hoera” parts — they will be obvious. A foreign guest joining in is normally welcome.

At children’s birthday parties the song is often combined with blowing out candles (kaarsjes uitblazen) and a wish (wens).

Gefeliciteerd: The Congratulations Ritual

In Dutch, you wish someone a happy birthday by saying:

• “Gefeliciteerd!” — Congratulations! (most common)
• “Van harte gefeliciteerd!” — Heartfelt congratulations
• “Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!” — Congratulations on your birthday

As noted above, the Dutch also extend this greeting to the birthday person’s family. The full ritual at arrival is:

• “Gefeliciteerd, Marieke!” → to the birthday person
• “Gefeliciteerd met je dochter/zus/partner!” → to the family members in the circle

This can feel odd at first, but it is the usual way to greet a Dutch birthday party.

Gifts: The Not-Immediately-Opening Tradition

Some Dutch hosts follow an older habit of setting gifts aside and opening them later, away from the social occasion. Commonly given reasons are:

• Avoiding embarrassing someone whose gift seems smaller than another’s
• Not making guests feel their gift is being evaluated
• Keeping the social focus on company rather than presents

Practice differs: some hosts open gifts during the party, others do not. If your host puts your gift aside without opening it, they are not being dismissive. You can always ask whether they would like to open it now.

Practical tip: Always bring a card (verjaardagskaartje). A card with a personal message is a customary part of a Dutch birthday.

What Is an Appropriate Birthday Gift?

Dutch birthday gifts tend to be thoughtful and personal rather than expensive. For a broader look at Dutch social etiquette around giving and receiving, see our Dutch social etiquette guide.

Common and well-received gifts:

• Books, especially Dutch literature or books in the recipient’s interest area
• Good wine or craft beer
• Something handmade or specific to a known interest
• A contribution to a joint gift (groepskaart with a pot of money) is very Dutch
• Experiences (concert tickets, a cooking class, an outing)
• Plants and flowers — Dutch people love flowers; a nice bunch from the markt is always good

Abraham and Sarah Birthdays: Turning 50

Turning 50 is a widely celebrated milestone in the Netherlands. When a man turns 50, the Dutch say he “sees Abraham” (Abraham zien), and a woman turning 50 “sees Sarah” (Sarah zien). The expressions refer to the Biblical figures Abraham and Sarah.

The tradition involves:

• A life-sized doll or cutout of an old man or woman placed outside the front door or in the garden, as good-natured teasing about reaching 50
• A party, at home or at a hired venue
• Decorations and cakes with Abraham or Sarah imagery

Turning 50 is the best-known milestone birthday. Other milestone birthdays (such as 40, 60 or 70) are often marked with a larger party as well, but there is no fixed national tradition for them.

Name Days in the Netherlands

Name days (naamdagen) come from the Catholic calendar of saints. In everyday Dutch life they are rarely marked, and the birthday is the main personal celebration. If you come from a country where name days are celebrated, do not expect Dutch colleagues to mark yours. For the main Dutch children’s celebration in December, see the Sinterklaas guide.

Birthday Calendars (Verjaardagskalenders)

Many Dutch households keep a verjaardagskalender (birthday calendar) listing the birthdays of family and friends. A popular, often joked-about place for it is the toilet (WC), which in Dutch homes is usually a separate room. If you see one there, it is meant to be read.

Other Dutch Personal Celebration Customs

New Year’s (Oud en Nieuw)

For decades Dutch New Year’s Eve meant private fireworks in streets and gardens, but since 1 August 2026 a national consumer fireworks ban applies: only category F1 novelty items such as sparklers remain legal for private use (rijksoverheid.nl, checked 24 September 2026; see our fireworks ban guide). Many people celebrate with family and friends at home. Oliebollen (fried dough balls, often with raisins and dusted with icing sugar) are the traditional New Year’s snack and are sold at stalls in the weeks around the new year. See our Dutch holidays and traditions guide for all the seasonal celebrations.

Wedding Anniversaries

Wedding anniversaries are often marked with a family gathering. Significant anniversaries have specific names: 12.5 years is koper (copper), 25 years is zilver (silver), and 50 years is goud (gold). Families often mark the larger anniversaries with a gathering.

Retirement (Pensioen)

Retirement (pensionering) is often marked at the workplace with a farewell event, typically with a speech, a gift from colleagues and cake. Practice differs by employer.

Baby Celebrations

The birth of a child (geboorte) is celebrated with beschuit met muisjes — Dutch rusks (hard biscuits) topped with butter and small sugar-coated anise seeds in either pink and white (for a girl) or blue and white (for a boy). These are brought to the workplace, school, or neighbours by the new parents. The anise seeds are traditionally associated with fertility and with nursing mothers.

Families often put up a sign outside the house, and send birth announcements (geboortekaartjes) to friends and family.

How Birthday Culture Fits Into Dutch Social Life

For the wider social etiquette around money and giving, see the Dutch social etiquette guide. For how Dutch social habits show up at work, see our Dutch work culture guide.

Birthdays also connect to the Dutch calendar of celebrations. Beyond personal birthdays, the Netherlands has distinctive public celebrations worth knowing: King’s Day, Sinterklaas, and the Dutch holidays and traditions guide give the full seasonal picture.

For the social side of building relationships in the Netherlands — including using birthday parties as opportunities — see our making friends in the Netherlands guide.

Practical Tips for Attending a Birthday

Arrive, do the congratulations round of the circle and take a seat. The circle makes it easy to enter conversations: turn to your neighbour and ask how they know the birthday person.

Length and timing: Birthday parties are often held in the afternoon or evening. Leave with a clear farewell: say goodbye to the birthday person, thank them and say goodbye round the circle.

Children: Children’s birthday parties are child-focused, with games, food and a set ending. Adult parties are usually not aimed at children, so leave children at home unless they are explicitly invited.

If you forget a birthday: Late wishes are fine. Say “Gefeliciteerd, al iets later!” (Congratulations, a bit late!).

Your own birthday at work: Bring a traktatie, such as an apple pie, a box of tompouce or a tray of stroopwafels. Set it out at the morning coffee break and say “Ik trakteer vandaag, ik ben jarig!” (I’m treating today, it’s my birthday!).

Gift Giving at Dutch Birthdays

Gift giving at Dutch birthday parties is generally low-key. A thoughtful, personal gift matters more than an expensive one. Books, experiences (theatre tickets, a cooking class), wine or plants are typical choices. For a milestone birthday, a joint gift from a group of friends or colleagues is common.

Cards: A birthday card (verjaardagskaart) with a personal message is customary. “Van harte gefeliciteerd” (heartfelt congratulations) is the standard phrase.

Children’s birthday parties: Bring a wrapped gift. Many families open gifts at the party, others open them afterwards.

Wish list (verlanglijstje): For bigger birthdays, families often share a wish list to avoid duplicate gifts. If you receive one, you can use it.

Gefeliciteerd at any celebration: The phrase “Gefeliciteerd” is used for many occasions: promotions, weddings, new babies and new homes.

Raising a glass: The Dutch toast is “Proost!”. Making eye contact while clinking glasses is a common habit, and some people say clinking without eye contact brings bad luck.

Is the Verjaardagskring Still Common?

It is still a familiar format, especially in family and traditional social settings. Among younger international professionals in big cities, birthday formats are more varied (dinners, bar evenings, outdoor gatherings). If you have not seen one before, it helps to know the format in advance.

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